His Faithfulness~

One Day…

deepwithinthoughts — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 16:57:15 +0000

I’m afraid of losing you, to her.

Talk about commitment.

deepwithinthoughts — Sun, 08 May 2011 18:25:27 +0000

It was the first time in my life that I see my mother being admitted into a hospital.
Through the experience, I’m convicted of one thing; commitment.

Before you decide to get married,
think about the marriage vows seriously
and make sure you will be able to commit to
this person your whole life.
Because it is really painful to see someone who was once married
having to go through pain, alone.

Time Waits For No Man.

deepwithinthoughts — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 17:57:13 +0000

have been thinking a lot about life,
ever since one of my lg members father
passed away really suddenly,
ever since the two recent horrific tragedies
that happened in singapore.

the fragility of life.
i thought about
how much have i really appreciated my friends/family,
how much ive taken some of them for granted,
how much did i really express my gratitude for them.
and as cliche as it may sound,
i thought of how life would be if i were to lose any of them,
suddenly.

being brought up in a traditional chinese family,
it has never been easy being open about expressing love.
you know the funny awkward feeling.
and as much as i truly love my mother and brother,
i guess if anyone ever ask any of them if i love them,
they wouldnt know how to answer too.
cos i dont express it to them.
sometimes my actions dont even show that i love them.
cos sometimes its just too awkward to show it,
i dont know.
and i thought about how much i’ve neglected
my grandmother. =/

you know a couple of months back,
i still remember how much i would go all out
for this particular close friend of mine.
and now, i dont know,
cos of all that have happened;
theres just this sense of separation.
perhaps im just thinking too much.
i feel that he doesnt care about this friendship anymore.
but i cant blame him since i didnt care about him for a period
after knowing “more” about him.
he doesnt initiate anymore.
what to do, oh what to do.
i still treasure him as a friend,
considering how much we’ve went through in the past.

and despite all that are happening,
time doesn’t stop.
it waits for no one.
life still has to go on.

i just wanna thank G for all the people
He have sent into my life;
family and friends,
though i rarely say this,
i love you from the bottom of my heart.

deepwithinthoughts — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 17:55:08 +0000

i hope that in time to come
when it’s time for me to move on,
i will be given ample time to prepare myself,
my heart and my life with Him.
i feel a lot when transitions are not done properly.
hell lot.
it tells the person how important he/she is in the group in a way.
there is emotional attachment in the lg that takes time for the
people to “let the person go”.
and i hope that when the time comes for me,
i will not be left in a state of shock when its made known to me
cos of the last minute announcement…

anyhow,
i havent been updating cos the semester has been crazy.
crazy but im glad cos i went through a lot of experiences with Him
and I felt His presence.

random:
a few weeks ago,
one of my closer friends asked me
really genuinely,
“eh, how did you become a leader in your church ah?
like seriously.”
LOL. i guess i was a little insecure about it initially.
but i got reminded that
God doesnt use the strong but the weak
and precisely cos im not Zai, all the more
He wants to use me!(:

a work in progress.

deepwithinthoughts — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:22:40 +0000

really hates the ugly/dark side of me…

assignments.

deepwithinthoughts — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 12:32:19 +0000

i guess i just hate how competitive this whole system can get.
i’m supposed to be enjoying what i’m studying right.
but wait. i’m not even enjoying the moment.
is this whole system just about assignments and datelines
and seeing how the world competes with one another with the “grade”?

whatever grades we have now, ten years down the road,
it doesn’t matter anymore.
“assignments and datelines are not tests of knowledge, but are tests to build your character.”
Lord, please remind me that I dont do it for the grade,
but in every examination that I have to go through, it is for You to build me stronger in You,
and that is more important.

How great You are.

deepwithinthoughts — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 14:49:59 +0000

A thousand sparkling stars upon a midnight summer sky
The majesty and wonder of the ocean’s endless tide
And the more I see the more I can’t explain
How the one who set the world in place
Could even know my name and I’m amazed, I’m so amazed

How great You are, how small I am
How awesome is Your mighty hand
And I am captured by the wonder of it all
And I will offer all my praise with all my heart for all my days
How great You are, how great You are, how great You are

A million snowflakes gently fall, yet no two are the same
For colors fill the canvas of the seasons as the change
And everywhere I look I see Your hand
Why You would love someone like me
I’ll never understand and I’m amazed, I’m so amazed

Lifegroup.

deepwithinthoughts — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 18:48:32 +0000

its good to have a big and vibrant lifegroup.
but if this lifegroup is just a bunch
of people who are inward-looking,
a bunch of people who are not christ-followers
but a crowd,
a bunch of people who live for themselves,
it cease to exist.

the importance of being a city of refuge to the world.

Dear Lord,

Lead me to lead Your people.

Amen.

Updates.

deepwithinthoughts — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 13:14:13 +0000

experienced my first Recess Week last week
which I felt I was too ambitious and all that I
planned to do was almost 0% done.
I concluded and I would say, learn that
a dream will always remain a dream unless
you sweat it out into fulfilling the dream.
i imagined a perfect recess week to be one
where I get to catch up with my work and
completing 4 assignments + studying for a test.
to my own horror, i was still trying to finish my first
assignment on a sunday afternoon.
all the lack of discipline which resulted in me waking up
at 12PM almost every day.
well, its never easy man, and I sure am facing the
consequences of them now.

I kinda made my friend unhappy on monday
over a really trivial matter.
he expressed his frustration on me and
literally stormed off halfway during dinner.
was initially worried yet confused about what I did wrong.
I felt he was really absurd and ridiculous.
however the next day, he pretended like as though nothing happened.
and this made me feel hurt.
I couldnt accept the fact that something happened
but nothing is done to put an end to it.
I let my emotions and pride got over me and I
turned my back against him instead.
some things happened in between but all is well now
and im really glad cos I was quite disturbed by it.
it took a lot of me to finally break down my pride to initiate
and restore the friendship all the more so because I
didnt think I was in the wrong.
but anyway the point is,
I really feel a hell lot better that all is fine now,
and there is this sense of joy after you let go of
all these terrible emotions.
i feel happier!

on a side note,
I’m really beginning to love my lifegroup more and more!
was initially complaining to Joseph that
i had a great sense of this generation gap thing
which hindered me from talking to my people.
but after interacting with them more,
i must say that I really love this bunch of people
and am glad that G did not remove me out of leading
after the whole period of immense insecurity + sian-ness.
I’ve been serving in JCNorth for the past 4 years and I must say that
it is in JCNorth that I’ve been tested and grown the most.
not that I’m damn spiritual or what, but yeah, like what Winnie told Limin,
all the unlucky things always happen to me,
but God always test those He loves.
I thank God that He loves me so much!(:

The Other Side.(:

deepwithinthoughts — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 17:27:18 +0000

In my growing up years,
I remember I was really sticky to my mother.
Whenever she had to work night shifts,
I would never fail to cry because she wouldn’t be home
and I’ll really be scared especially once the sky turns dark.
(which I guess this is one main reason why
I hate watching horror films)
Whenever my brother goes mad and start punishing me,
I would always wish that she would come home at that instant
so that I will be saved.
Yes, my parents weren’t the ones who caned me before.
My brother did.
He caned me with a hanger, giant pencil, etc before.
He was also the only one who slapped my face before.
Was this abuse? haha I dont know!
but all I know was that whenever I hear the sound coming
from the padlock, I would really be petrified cos I had to
go through hell with him around.

Anyhow, this point aside.
I’ve always regarded my mother as a heroine in my life.
Having to accept the harsh fact of the love of her life
not loving her anymore,
Having to juggle between two jobs,
Having to always powerfully yet painfully move on with life,
and not giving up for the sake of my brother and myself.
I mean it’s definitely not easy having to lose the love of your life
to another woman yet having to struggle through the
notion of life right?

I guess it is through this side of her that I always
hate to see the other side of her.
Many a times when she talks to me,
she would never fail to get emotional and start crying.
3/5 of the times when we communicate, she will
end up crying.
And I guess it’s because of this that many a times
I hope she doesn’t tell me her problems,
or hoping that she doesn’t cry at least,
sometimes even rather her not talking to me.
Thing is, because of this “barrier”, I find it
hard to be close to her, to understand her.
But honestly, though I’ll never muster the courage
to tell this to her,
I still love my Mother for who she is.

(WordPress hasn’t been allowing me to upload photos. this sucks!)